Discussion - Member to Member Sales - Research Center
Discussion - Member to Member Sales - Research Center
:Some years ago an article by this title appeared in a specialist journal, I no longer have it but it was amusing, offering some tongue in cheek ideas about manipulating household finances to accommodate a stamp budget.
I have been married over twenty years, my wife has never questioned me too closely on this, she is from a somewhat affluent family and had a grandparent whom collected so she understood what it is all about.
We maintain separate checking accounts, have specific things to pay for household expenses and there has not been much of a problem all these years. I sometimes spend $2-300 monthly on my hobby but many times much less.
Lately, the questions have started in; 'What did you pay for that?' "Is that a new album? How much did it cost" A couple weeks ago it was "When are you going to sell your stamps? How long are you going to be buying them?"
I don't have it anywhere as bad as some other fellows I have known. One actually got a divorce over this issue. It's not a major issue for me now but I just want some ideas in case things get worse. Ideas?"
Thankfully I posted that during a rough patch, a lot of the issues alluded to are no more. It is interesting, however. Any thoughts on how you can work this out with your non collecting spouse?
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Oh, my wife knows and understands. She even has tried to start a topical collection herself. I don't have any other real vices (except overeating), and she knows it helps offset the stresses of my job.
BOB
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It goes without saying to most people that hobbies are a luxury only to be spent on after all their family obligations are attended to. On the other hand I've known people that just don't get it.
I once knew a guy who had a family and they were evicted from a rental. They were temporarily living with relatives and the first thing this guy did was set up his Internet service so he could continue to chat on hobby boards and bid on eBay! He had no job and his wife was a waitress. They had one beat up old car and nothing to their name, but he kept on buying!
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I am a beginner, and have been trying to pace myself. I'm spending little over $50 a month for stamps and supplies. My wife doesn't care as long as it keeps me out of her hair. I must note. She does crafting, and spends a lot more a month on that than I do.
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I think the key to maintaining a low profile is your spouse also having a hobby. My wife has nothing but encouragement for my hobbies and vice versa. If I spend on stamps, it comes from my bank account and when she spends on knitting supplies it comes from hers. Perhaps part of the source of goodwill and understanding is separate finances.
So when your spouse walks by and shakes his/her head, where is your spouse going? What hobby are they enjoying?
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I've posted something similar to this in the past, but I can't resist adding it to the current conversation. We all have had the difficult moment when our spouses have asked us how much we paid for a particular philatelic item. I can only think of Jack Benny's greatest fear of dying: that, after he passes, his wife will sell his violin for what he told her he paid for it.
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The wife gave me an Ultimatum:
It's me or the stamps !
It's not so bad living on your own except you have to do your own washing.
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A hobby or a psychiatrist and most hobbies are cheaper then the later. That's all a spouse needs to understand.
WB
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I married later than most, in my 40's.
Only two of my romantic interests were let in on it. My now wife had a grandmother who was a serious collector so she thought it was fine. The other side of the coin was the young lady who looked at me as if I'd just told her I collected lint or something. I showed her a few pages then dropped it because she clearly wasn't getting it. Some years later she wound up in a position where I saw her almost daily at work (no I never told my wife). We were chatting casually one day in the break room when she asked me if I still had all those 'little pictures.' (!) Clearly she had no idea what she'd even seen.
I have a son who is now 20- he loved this story. He asked if I had invited her over to see 'little pictures.'
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Not a wife story, but just as bad, coming from an alleged "friend":
Couple decades back, I was in the (very small) lunch room at work, off in my own world, contemplating my peanut butter/jelly sandwich, when, out of the corner of my ear, I hear my friend Jamie ask, "Does anyone collect stamps?"
My head shot up in his direction, and I replied, "Yeah, I do."
I then discovered he was not asking in the interest of finding a kindred spirit when his eyes went wide in amazement, he guffawed derisively, and said, "Really? You do?"
(Yeah, you and the horse you rode in on, Jamie. 
)
Ted
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My wife doesn't ask, but if she did I'd probably say I spend a lot less on stamps than I've "invested" in dead flowers in the past 48 years of birthdays, anniversaries, valentines days, etc.
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My wife long ago once commented and asked about how much I was spending on my hobbies. I answered her simply. What I spend she is free to look at. I keep the price stickers on the model train that I buy, and the checkbook and credit card statements are in the file cabinet. To my knowledge at no time during the 30 years since she asked has she even looked to see. If you don't hide it, they probably won't care. If you do hide it, they will want to know what it is that you're hiding. All part of communicating.
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I may have told this story before...
My wife has never had a problem with what I spend on hobbies. She understands that it's my sanity and a better alternative to worse vices. And I'm responsible about it, never spent a dime before the family was well taken care of.
Many years ago she approached me and asked if I could help her sell some things on eBay. I was puzzled... what could she possibly have to sell? She brought out a box filled with rather expensive designer handbags... those in the hundreds of dollars. She acted like nothing was out of the ordinary.
And I knew I couldn't say a single word! 
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" out of the corner of my ear, I hear my friend Jamie ask, "Does anyone collect stamps?"
My head shot up in his direction, and I replied, "Yeah, I do."
I then discovered he was not asking in the interest of finding a kindred spirit when his eyes went wide in amazement, he guffawed derisively, and said, "Really? You do?"
(Yeah, you and the horse you rode in on, Jamie. Angry)"
Just try telling common folk that you build model cars!
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Not sure my wife understands stamps but I don't go down the pub, smoke or buy Timmies coffee and doughnuts, the bills are all paid (funny she never asks about them) and whenever the subject is broached I reply "less than the $8000 your sewing machine cost", seems to do the trick and I guess I'm not running around spending on wild wild women. Not that I would know what to do if I caught one! Mind you these days she would probably have to catch me.
Now wheres me wellies, sheeep are calling.
Vic
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"She brought out a box filled with rather expensive designer handbags"
So, how'd they do on ebay? My wife has been trying to find something to sell, and we have a Coach outlet store nearby. I've often wondered if she might try those.
Ted
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"So, how'd they do on ebay? My wife has been trying to find something to sell, and we have a Coach outlet store nearby. I've often wondered if she might try those."
It became an eBay nightmare! The designer companies put a lot of pressure on eBay regarding counterfeits (and I believe they just don't want their stuff resold so they can sell more!) so it's very difficult to sell anything designer. eBay makes the seller produce a sales slip to prove they were bought legally.
Also there are buyer scams because eBay tells sellers if they find a counterfeit to report it. eBay then pays back the buyer by taking the money from your Paypal account, and tells the buyer to destroy it. Of course you can figure out what the scam is!
We wound up posting on Craigslist and met some winners. A young woman came and told us what garbage everything was, but offered to buy them for a fraction of what we were asking. I told her if they were garbage we wouldn't trouble her to take them!
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It's stories like yours that always remind me of a Peanuts strip where Linus tells Lucy that her problem is that she just doesn't like humanity. She yells back, "I LOVE humanity; It's people I can't stand."
Back on topic, now.
When my wife asked me about how much money I spent on stamps, I told her, this money is not "spent." It is simply in another form, now.
It seems to have worked. 
Ted
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I think that I've been ultra-fortunate in being chosen by my wife, Susan! For 49 years (50 years on Dec. 27), we've been sharing everything equally. I've made more money than she has at time, and other times she's had the higher income. We've always had a good-sized allowance to spend as we wish, and have never questioned the other's purchases. She is a serious genealogist and understands the significance of artifacts and ephemera. She's even helped me with research about some of my covers which have family connections.
Recently she found my paternal grandfather's enlistment documents; his New York State National Guard unit was sent the Mexican border in Texas following Pancho Villa's raid on Columbus, New Mexico in 1916. Susan only expressed interest when I spent a small fortune on this cover from a member of General Pershing's army stationed in Columbus following the raid:
Bob
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"My wife doesn't ask, but if she did I'd probably say I spend a lot less on stamps than I've "invested" in dead flowers in the past 48 years of birthdays, anniversaries, valentines days, etc."
You are a brave man sir!
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Sheepshanks, I hope you don't put your wellies on and walk out the door singing "I'm in love with ewe, ewe, ewe, say you love me too" etc. 
everyone: My wife has never asked what I spend on any collectibles, since she is fond of going into different little shops, in different little cruise ports and buy lots of different little gemstones. But in all fairness, whenever she buys herself a gemstone, she gets me a nice T-shirt. Sounds fair to me, on one little cruise I actually got five new T-shirts. Maybe I should start collecting T-shirts, or even better selling them and buying more stamps.
Mike
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Mike, no usually I sing "for I know I'll never find another ewe" or maybe Sonny and Cher's "I got ewe babe". Mind you I have to queue what with all the welsh around here.
Vic
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The wife and my hobbies subject comes up often at the wargamer's forum at BGG. The primary problem for them, tends to be space, rather than money. In my case, I don't have hundreds of games to make room for. My stamps, covers, postcards, and all that goes along with collecting such things takes up more space than my games. And my books, games and collections all share the same room. I am good with that.
My husband on the other hand, collects everything, and it spills over everywhere. The other day he asked me if I knew anyone with topographical maps. He needs more of them for his collection. He loves me an awful lot so finding him a girlfriend to store his stuff with, just isn't working. 
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My husband has never had a problem with my stamp collecting. As far as spending, we agreed early on in our marriage to notify the other if we are buying something over $100, less than that we just trust each other. It has worked beautifully. But stamps still baffle him - he can't "get" it.
But as Doe mentioned, my husband's hobby does create a space problem. He builds and repairs computers. Up in Michigan he had 1700 square feet of basement to store all his computer parts, but here in our much smaller Florida house he has one 11 x 11 room and the garage. Both are stuffed! We agreed that he could keep whatever he wanted as long as he could fit it in his room or the garage - BUT we still had to have enough room to PARK the van in the garage. The rest of the house is a DMZ - no junk allowed.
As to designer purses and such, I never understood the attraction. Within 6 months they are out of style. And, while flowers are nice, I'd rather get an orchid that will rebloom rather than end up in the trash within a week. Jewelry is a better investment - smart gals go for those!
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My wife has never had a problem with either of my 2 collecting loves - stamps and baseball related items (mostly having to do with the Detroit Tigers).
However, both are in the same room and that room is shrinking fast as of late!
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After the kids grew up and moved out, I had one of their rooms for "my space". After a few months, my wife bought the materials for me to build a man cave OUTSIDE of the main house.
It's become lovingly known as the "clubhouse". I had thought about putting up a sign saying, "He Man Women Haters Club", but that seemed a little insensitive after she'd gone to all that trouble.
However, through experience, I can offer a little advise to anyone who might like to have their own space OUTSIDE the main house. Buy a guitar and a 200 watt amplifier, it won't take long.
WB
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My wife and I have an agreement, I don't know how many shoes she has, and she does not know how many stamps I have, I know how many stamps she has and she knows how many shoes I have..........It works out.
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" I know how many stamps she has and she knows how many shoes I have"
And I bet you have more shoes than she has stamps.
Ted
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If this is about collecting stamps, why not tell your spouse?
I would be lost if I couldn't share with my husband what a cool stamp I just found. Or have him help me ID a stamp that has me stumped. But does he really "get" the stamp collecting? NO. They are just pieces of colored paper, but he respects that I kind of like those little pieces of paper with super great art work.
As far as what I spend on stamps ... well I have my stamp money and it is used for stamps and materials. I sell to buy more! And after Orlando, I have lots of stamps to play with.
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I was thinking the same thing, why not tell your spouse. I was just sitting here sorting some stamps and my husband started to laugh at me. I looked up and he was making this strange face. I asked him what that was all about and he said that was the face I was making while sorting stamps. We both got a good laugh, I told him I was looking for a certain pile I knew I had but didn't see it. I didn't know I made faces when I was working on my stamps. As far as the money well when we got married he handed me his check and his checkbook and he said a bounced check is grounds for divorce. 35 years later we are still married. And he at least pretends he is interested when I show him my newest stamps that come.
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"I would be lost if I couldn't share with my [spouse] what a cool stamp I just found."
I'm lost.
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My wife and I have no camaraderie over any kind of hobby. She comes from a long line of TV watchers who never had any interests beyond avoiding hard work and watching sports.
Her entire family doesn't get me. Understand that we all get along and have never had a major blowout, but when I first met my wife and I showed her father some of the work I did with a little side business his reply was, "Why would you do that? You already have a job." He also had a conniption when I started buying income property and flipping houses. He was sure we'd be bankrupt in a year. He told me to just go to work and avoid anything risky.
That leads to their total lack of understanding of my hobbies. I am an avid model builder. I don't assemble kits, I create ideas from my mind and soul. This is my art. Maybe half the people in the hobby understand my work, and those are some of my best friends. A feature article was done about my models were in the last issue of Model Cars Magazine. When I invited her brother into my model room and he saw all my equipment and works in progress, he blurted out, "That looks like work!" He went on to tell me when he needed to relax on the weekends, which I guess involves falling asleep to watching sports on TV. Poor slob has no idea of the meditation like qualities being involved in a hobby provide.
Back to my wife. She understands that my hobbies are important to me and help me maintain sanity. She knows that they are the center of many of my friendships. Share something with her? I may as well hold up a handful of toe nail clippings! Thus, as long as she lives indoors, is warm and fed, and her charge card still works, she tolerates my interests!
I do feel that this is something missing in my life. I am envious of couples who attend events together. At model car shows, I see two types of wives at events... there are always that few who won't let their husband out the door without them, and have positioned themselves in a chair on the side, letting everyone know it's a major imposition to be there and they're hating every minute. Then there are the ones who are truly involved and care. We have wives in our club who enjoy helping with our show, and those who you see at every show along with their spouses. They know everyone and are part of the event. I envy those guys!
At the same time I do notice that many of these involved wives are second marriages. I guess when we are older and have our priorities, we are more inclined to find a new spouse that is compatible with our interests!
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I feel your pain, brother.
Ted
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"I was thinking the same thing, why not tell your spouse. I was just sitting here sorting some stamps and my husband started to laugh at me. I looked up and he was making this strange face. I asked him what that was all about and he said that was the face I was making while sorting stamps. We both got a good laugh, I told him I was looking for a certain pile I knew I had but didn't see it. I didn't know I made faces when I was working on my stamps. As far as the money well when we got married he handed me his check and his checkbook and he said a bounced check is grounds for divorce. 35 years later we are still married. And he at least pretends he is interested when I show him my newest stamps that come."
Wow, I wonder what face I make when working on stamps.
My wife makes this pretty horrible looking face while she's knitting. It really annoys me, but I try not to say anything. I know I make faces when playing a musical instrument (and I grind my teeth). Truly strange.
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06:39:44am
" ... When I invited her brother into my model room and he saw all my equipment and works in progress, he blurted out, "That looks like work!" He went on to tell me when he needed to relax on the weekends, which I guess involves falling asleep to watching sports on TV. ..."
Which reminds me of a segment in Mark Twain's classic novel; "Tom Sawyer" (NB That's one of those old fashioned gadgets that have pages to physically turn.) and requires a passing command of the written language: "Work is what you have to do," said Tom. !
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Yea Charlie! Makes ya just wanna go out and paint a fence!
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Some interests are shared and others aren't. If your spouse shares your enthusiasm for a recent philatelic acquisition, lucky you! But those of us not so "blessed" aren't as lacking as you might think.
My wife cares nothing for philately and we never discuss it. I have a budget that I don't exceed, as she does for her passions. If I had a major acquisition I would likely post it here and not tell her, but there are other things we share that I would tell her.
For example, we are both avid tennis players and I hit a drop shot recently that came back over to my side of the net. She was excited to hear that story because she could relate to it. She told me about a milestone she achieved skiing and I was excited for her. I don't bore her with my stamps and she doesn't bore me with her handbag purchases.
Lars
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Here is a paste of a post I made four years ago on another board:
:Some years ago an article by this title appeared in a specialist journal, I no longer have it but it was amusing, offering some tongue in cheek ideas about manipulating household finances to accommodate a stamp budget.
I have been married over twenty years, my wife has never questioned me too closely on this, she is from a somewhat affluent family and had a grandparent whom collected so she understood what it is all about.
We maintain separate checking accounts, have specific things to pay for household expenses and there has not been much of a problem all these years. I sometimes spend $2-300 monthly on my hobby but many times much less.
Lately, the questions have started in; 'What did you pay for that?' "Is that a new album? How much did it cost" A couple weeks ago it was "When are you going to sell your stamps? How long are you going to be buying them?"
I don't have it anywhere as bad as some other fellows I have known. One actually got a divorce over this issue. It's not a major issue for me now but I just want some ideas in case things get worse. Ideas?"
Thankfully I posted that during a rough patch, a lot of the issues alluded to are no more. It is interesting, however. Any thoughts on how you can work this out with your non collecting spouse?
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
Oh, my wife knows and understands. She even has tried to start a topical collection herself. I don't have any other real vices (except overeating), and she knows it helps offset the stresses of my job.
BOB
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
It goes without saying to most people that hobbies are a luxury only to be spent on after all their family obligations are attended to. On the other hand I've known people that just don't get it.
I once knew a guy who had a family and they were evicted from a rental. They were temporarily living with relatives and the first thing this guy did was set up his Internet service so he could continue to chat on hobby boards and bid on eBay! He had no job and his wife was a waitress. They had one beat up old car and nothing to their name, but he kept on buying!
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
I am a beginner, and have been trying to pace myself. I'm spending little over $50 a month for stamps and supplies. My wife doesn't care as long as it keeps me out of her hair. I must note. She does crafting, and spends a lot more a month on that than I do.
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
I think the key to maintaining a low profile is your spouse also having a hobby. My wife has nothing but encouragement for my hobbies and vice versa. If I spend on stamps, it comes from my bank account and when she spends on knitting supplies it comes from hers. Perhaps part of the source of goodwill and understanding is separate finances.
So when your spouse walks by and shakes his/her head, where is your spouse going? What hobby are they enjoying?
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
I've posted something similar to this in the past, but I can't resist adding it to the current conversation. We all have had the difficult moment when our spouses have asked us how much we paid for a particular philatelic item. I can only think of Jack Benny's greatest fear of dying: that, after he passes, his wife will sell his violin for what he told her he paid for it.
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
The wife gave me an Ultimatum:
It's me or the stamps !
It's not so bad living on your own except you have to do your own washing.
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
A hobby or a psychiatrist and most hobbies are cheaper then the later. That's all a spouse needs to understand.
WB
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
I married later than most, in my 40's.
Only two of my romantic interests were let in on it. My now wife had a grandmother who was a serious collector so she thought it was fine. The other side of the coin was the young lady who looked at me as if I'd just told her I collected lint or something. I showed her a few pages then dropped it because she clearly wasn't getting it. Some years later she wound up in a position where I saw her almost daily at work (no I never told my wife). We were chatting casually one day in the break room when she asked me if I still had all those 'little pictures.' (!) Clearly she had no idea what she'd even seen.
I have a son who is now 20- he loved this story. He asked if I had invited her over to see 'little pictures.'
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
Not a wife story, but just as bad, coming from an alleged "friend":
Couple decades back, I was in the (very small) lunch room at work, off in my own world, contemplating my peanut butter/jelly sandwich, when, out of the corner of my ear, I hear my friend Jamie ask, "Does anyone collect stamps?"
My head shot up in his direction, and I replied, "Yeah, I do."
I then discovered he was not asking in the interest of finding a kindred spirit when his eyes went wide in amazement, he guffawed derisively, and said, "Really? You do?"
(Yeah, you and the horse you rode in on, Jamie. )
Ted
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
My wife doesn't ask, but if she did I'd probably say I spend a lot less on stamps than I've "invested" in dead flowers in the past 48 years of birthdays, anniversaries, valentines days, etc.
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02:31:17pm
re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
My wife long ago once commented and asked about how much I was spending on my hobbies. I answered her simply. What I spend she is free to look at. I keep the price stickers on the model train that I buy, and the checkbook and credit card statements are in the file cabinet. To my knowledge at no time during the 30 years since she asked has she even looked to see. If you don't hide it, they probably won't care. If you do hide it, they will want to know what it is that you're hiding. All part of communicating.
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
I may have told this story before...
My wife has never had a problem with what I spend on hobbies. She understands that it's my sanity and a better alternative to worse vices. And I'm responsible about it, never spent a dime before the family was well taken care of.
Many years ago she approached me and asked if I could help her sell some things on eBay. I was puzzled... what could she possibly have to sell? She brought out a box filled with rather expensive designer handbags... those in the hundreds of dollars. She acted like nothing was out of the ordinary.
And I knew I couldn't say a single word!
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
" out of the corner of my ear, I hear my friend Jamie ask, "Does anyone collect stamps?"
My head shot up in his direction, and I replied, "Yeah, I do."
I then discovered he was not asking in the interest of finding a kindred spirit when his eyes went wide in amazement, he guffawed derisively, and said, "Really? You do?"
(Yeah, you and the horse you rode in on, Jamie. Angry)"
Just try telling common folk that you build model cars!
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
Not sure my wife understands stamps but I don't go down the pub, smoke or buy Timmies coffee and doughnuts, the bills are all paid (funny she never asks about them) and whenever the subject is broached I reply "less than the $8000 your sewing machine cost", seems to do the trick and I guess I'm not running around spending on wild wild women. Not that I would know what to do if I caught one! Mind you these days she would probably have to catch me.
Now wheres me wellies, sheeep are calling.
Vic
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
"She brought out a box filled with rather expensive designer handbags"
So, how'd they do on ebay? My wife has been trying to find something to sell, and we have a Coach outlet store nearby. I've often wondered if she might try those.
Ted
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
"So, how'd they do on ebay? My wife has been trying to find something to sell, and we have a Coach outlet store nearby. I've often wondered if she might try those."
It became an eBay nightmare! The designer companies put a lot of pressure on eBay regarding counterfeits (and I believe they just don't want their stuff resold so they can sell more!) so it's very difficult to sell anything designer. eBay makes the seller produce a sales slip to prove they were bought legally.
Also there are buyer scams because eBay tells sellers if they find a counterfeit to report it. eBay then pays back the buyer by taking the money from your Paypal account, and tells the buyer to destroy it. Of course you can figure out what the scam is!
We wound up posting on Craigslist and met some winners. A young woman came and told us what garbage everything was, but offered to buy them for a fraction of what we were asking. I told her if they were garbage we wouldn't trouble her to take them!
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It's stories like yours that always remind me of a Peanuts strip where Linus tells Lucy that her problem is that she just doesn't like humanity. She yells back, "I LOVE humanity; It's people I can't stand."
Back on topic, now.
When my wife asked me about how much money I spent on stamps, I told her, this money is not "spent." It is simply in another form, now.
It seems to have worked.
Ted
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I think that I've been ultra-fortunate in being chosen by my wife, Susan! For 49 years (50 years on Dec. 27), we've been sharing everything equally. I've made more money than she has at time, and other times she's had the higher income. We've always had a good-sized allowance to spend as we wish, and have never questioned the other's purchases. She is a serious genealogist and understands the significance of artifacts and ephemera. She's even helped me with research about some of my covers which have family connections.
Recently she found my paternal grandfather's enlistment documents; his New York State National Guard unit was sent the Mexican border in Texas following Pancho Villa's raid on Columbus, New Mexico in 1916. Susan only expressed interest when I spent a small fortune on this cover from a member of General Pershing's army stationed in Columbus following the raid:
Bob
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
"My wife doesn't ask, but if she did I'd probably say I spend a lot less on stamps than I've "invested" in dead flowers in the past 48 years of birthdays, anniversaries, valentines days, etc."
You are a brave man sir!
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
Sheepshanks, I hope you don't put your wellies on and walk out the door singing "I'm in love with ewe, ewe, ewe, say you love me too" etc.
everyone: My wife has never asked what I spend on any collectibles, since she is fond of going into different little shops, in different little cruise ports and buy lots of different little gemstones. But in all fairness, whenever she buys herself a gemstone, she gets me a nice T-shirt. Sounds fair to me, on one little cruise I actually got five new T-shirts. Maybe I should start collecting T-shirts, or even better selling them and buying more stamps.
Mike
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
Mike, no usually I sing "for I know I'll never find another ewe" or maybe Sonny and Cher's "I got ewe babe". Mind you I have to queue what with all the welsh around here.
Vic
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
The wife and my hobbies subject comes up often at the wargamer's forum at BGG. The primary problem for them, tends to be space, rather than money. In my case, I don't have hundreds of games to make room for. My stamps, covers, postcards, and all that goes along with collecting such things takes up more space than my games. And my books, games and collections all share the same room. I am good with that.
My husband on the other hand, collects everything, and it spills over everywhere. The other day he asked me if I knew anyone with topographical maps. He needs more of them for his collection. He loves me an awful lot so finding him a girlfriend to store his stuff with, just isn't working.
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
My husband has never had a problem with my stamp collecting. As far as spending, we agreed early on in our marriage to notify the other if we are buying something over $100, less than that we just trust each other. It has worked beautifully. But stamps still baffle him - he can't "get" it.
But as Doe mentioned, my husband's hobby does create a space problem. He builds and repairs computers. Up in Michigan he had 1700 square feet of basement to store all his computer parts, but here in our much smaller Florida house he has one 11 x 11 room and the garage. Both are stuffed! We agreed that he could keep whatever he wanted as long as he could fit it in his room or the garage - BUT we still had to have enough room to PARK the van in the garage. The rest of the house is a DMZ - no junk allowed.
As to designer purses and such, I never understood the attraction. Within 6 months they are out of style. And, while flowers are nice, I'd rather get an orchid that will rebloom rather than end up in the trash within a week. Jewelry is a better investment - smart gals go for those!
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
My wife has never had a problem with either of my 2 collecting loves - stamps and baseball related items (mostly having to do with the Detroit Tigers).
However, both are in the same room and that room is shrinking fast as of late!
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
After the kids grew up and moved out, I had one of their rooms for "my space". After a few months, my wife bought the materials for me to build a man cave OUTSIDE of the main house. It's become lovingly known as the "clubhouse". I had thought about putting up a sign saying, "He Man Women Haters Club", but that seemed a little insensitive after she'd gone to all that trouble.
However, through experience, I can offer a little advise to anyone who might like to have their own space OUTSIDE the main house. Buy a guitar and a 200 watt amplifier, it won't take long.
WB
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
My wife and I have an agreement, I don't know how many shoes she has, and she does not know how many stamps I have, I know how many stamps she has and she knows how many shoes I have..........It works out.
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" I know how many stamps she has and she knows how many shoes I have"
And I bet you have more shoes than she has stamps.
Ted
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APS #222602 and Internet Philatelic Dealers Association #439
15 Apr 2016
11:04:17pm
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
If this is about collecting stamps, why not tell your spouse?
I would be lost if I couldn't share with my husband what a cool stamp I just found. Or have him help me ID a stamp that has me stumped. But does he really "get" the stamp collecting? NO. They are just pieces of colored paper, but he respects that I kind of like those little pieces of paper with super great art work.
As far as what I spend on stamps ... well I have my stamp money and it is used for stamps and materials. I sell to buy more! And after Orlando, I have lots of stamps to play with.
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11:27:57pm
re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
I was thinking the same thing, why not tell your spouse. I was just sitting here sorting some stamps and my husband started to laugh at me. I looked up and he was making this strange face. I asked him what that was all about and he said that was the face I was making while sorting stamps. We both got a good laugh, I told him I was looking for a certain pile I knew I had but didn't see it. I didn't know I made faces when I was working on my stamps. As far as the money well when we got married he handed me his check and his checkbook and he said a bounced check is grounds for divorce. 35 years later we are still married. And he at least pretends he is interested when I show him my newest stamps that come.
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"I would be lost if I couldn't share with my [spouse] what a cool stamp I just found."
I'm lost.
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
My wife and I have no camaraderie over any kind of hobby. She comes from a long line of TV watchers who never had any interests beyond avoiding hard work and watching sports.
Her entire family doesn't get me. Understand that we all get along and have never had a major blowout, but when I first met my wife and I showed her father some of the work I did with a little side business his reply was, "Why would you do that? You already have a job." He also had a conniption when I started buying income property and flipping houses. He was sure we'd be bankrupt in a year. He told me to just go to work and avoid anything risky.
That leads to their total lack of understanding of my hobbies. I am an avid model builder. I don't assemble kits, I create ideas from my mind and soul. This is my art. Maybe half the people in the hobby understand my work, and those are some of my best friends. A feature article was done about my models were in the last issue of Model Cars Magazine. When I invited her brother into my model room and he saw all my equipment and works in progress, he blurted out, "That looks like work!" He went on to tell me when he needed to relax on the weekends, which I guess involves falling asleep to watching sports on TV. Poor slob has no idea of the meditation like qualities being involved in a hobby provide.
Back to my wife. She understands that my hobbies are important to me and help me maintain sanity. She knows that they are the center of many of my friendships. Share something with her? I may as well hold up a handful of toe nail clippings! Thus, as long as she lives indoors, is warm and fed, and her charge card still works, she tolerates my interests!
I do feel that this is something missing in my life. I am envious of couples who attend events together. At model car shows, I see two types of wives at events... there are always that few who won't let their husband out the door without them, and have positioned themselves in a chair on the side, letting everyone know it's a major imposition to be there and they're hating every minute. Then there are the ones who are truly involved and care. We have wives in our club who enjoy helping with our show, and those who you see at every show along with their spouses. They know everyone and are part of the event. I envy those guys!
At the same time I do notice that many of these involved wives are second marriages. I guess when we are older and have our priorities, we are more inclined to find a new spouse that is compatible with our interests!
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I feel your pain, brother.
Ted
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
"I was thinking the same thing, why not tell your spouse. I was just sitting here sorting some stamps and my husband started to laugh at me. I looked up and he was making this strange face. I asked him what that was all about and he said that was the face I was making while sorting stamps. We both got a good laugh, I told him I was looking for a certain pile I knew I had but didn't see it. I didn't know I made faces when I was working on my stamps. As far as the money well when we got married he handed me his check and his checkbook and he said a bounced check is grounds for divorce. 35 years later we are still married. And he at least pretends he is interested when I show him my newest stamps that come."
Wow, I wonder what face I make when working on stamps.
My wife makes this pretty horrible looking face while she's knitting. It really annoys me, but I try not to say anything. I know I make faces when playing a musical instrument (and I grind my teeth). Truly strange.
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Silence in the face of adversity is the father of complicity and collusion, the first cousins of conspiracy..
18 Apr 2016
06:39:44am
re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
" ... When I invited her brother into my model room and he saw all my equipment and works in progress, he blurted out, "That looks like work!" He went on to tell me when he needed to relax on the weekends, which I guess involves falling asleep to watching sports on TV. ..."
Which reminds me of a segment in Mark Twain's classic novel; "Tom Sawyer" (NB That's one of those old fashioned gadgets that have pages to physically turn.) and requires a passing command of the written language: "Work is what you have to do," said Tom. !
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Yea Charlie! Makes ya just wanna go out and paint a fence!
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re: Collecting Stamps - and Not Telling the Wife
Some interests are shared and others aren't. If your spouse shares your enthusiasm for a recent philatelic acquisition, lucky you! But those of us not so "blessed" aren't as lacking as you might think.
My wife cares nothing for philately and we never discuss it. I have a budget that I don't exceed, as she does for her passions. If I had a major acquisition I would likely post it here and not tell her, but there are other things we share that I would tell her.
For example, we are both avid tennis players and I hit a drop shot recently that came back over to my side of the net. She was excited to hear that story because she could relate to it. She told me about a milestone she achieved skiing and I was excited for her. I don't bore her with my stamps and she doesn't bore me with her handbag purchases.
Lars
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